One of Jessica's earliest memories is while playing dress-up. It's an image of her in her mother's dress, oversized on her small frame. She recalls moments throughout her childhood when she would wait for her family to run errands or go to work, then quietly walk into her parents' bedroom and close the blinds. In front of the large vanity mirror, Jessica would spend hours trying on her mother's and sister's clothes, modelling different outfits and admiring herself.
“That's what little girls do, right? You try on different outfits and look at yourself," Jessica says. “But I had to do that hidden away, with the blinds closed to make sure no one saw."
Jessica is a trans woman, who did not come out to family or friends, or transition, until college. She describes those secret moments wearing borrowed clothing made for the opposite gender as an “unhealthy coping mechanism" that helped her get through high school.
“That kind of expression was always there. From an early age I had this battle going on where I wanted to see myself and express myself this way, but I'm not supposed to because, you know, 'you're a boy.'"
Glaad defines transgender as: a term to describe people whose gender identity differs from the sex they were assigned at birth. Whereas cisgender refers to a person whose gender identity corresponds with the sex registered for them at birth. Gender identity is a person's internal, personal sense of being a man or a woman (or a boy or girl). For some people, their gender identity does not fit neatly into those two choices.
Today, Jessica proudly wears what she wants, though much of her wardrobe consists of scrubs. She works as a nephrology technologist at St. Joe's, maintaining and repairing dialysis machines. Since starting in her role two years ago, she has worked toward her clinical designation, which now allows her to work alongside nurses, monitoring patients and connecting them to the machines.
“That's actually a unique role at St. Joe's," Jessica says. “We're the only hospital that allows technologists to perform that role. It's given me a broader understanding of my job because I can see how the machines are utilized in the treatment setting. It's pretty special to connect with these patients and get to know them; seeing the human side of health care and knowing that what I'm doing matters. It's not just a job. I'm very fortunate to be able to do what I do."
When Jessica started working at St. Joe's, she was living two lives. One: at the hospital, closeted and hiding her real self. Another: in the community, expressing her true identity. She had begun taking hormones but hadn't yet changed her name and was still presenting masculine with her coworkers.
“One of the reasons I hid it was because I was concerned about discrimination in the workplace," she says. “Especially people in management who would be reviewing my performance and had power over my employment. I wanted to make sure that if there were an issue, it wouldn't stem from any prejudice against trans people. It's unfortunate I had to think that way, but it's the reality for many trans people."
Seeing the Pride flag raised at St. Joe's at the beginning of Pride Month in June, when she first started working at St. Joe's, signaled to Jessica that she was in a safe place. That's when she knew that when she was ready to come out, there would be people on her side. Eventually, in October 2022, she sent an email to her team, sharing her true self.
“It was incredibly difficult to say, 'I've actually been hiding something very important from you,'" she says. “But it turns out, I'm now having more authentic connections with the people that I work with because they no longer have this false idea of who I am."
Jessica's team turned out to be incredibly supportive, including her manager and supervisors. “They told me that they're proud and that what I did was brave. They're happy for me. They're sorry that I felt I had to hide. They let me know they would support me and make sure everything goes as smoothly as possible. And those words were not empty. They meant them."
Hospital leadership also reached out to support Jessica's transition at the hospital. “I even heard from the president of the hospital. She specifically made sure to say that if you're not treated with respect and dignity, please let us know and we'll take care of it. That was pretty important."
“I'm truly not asking for anything special. I just want to be recognized for who I am. To receive the same kind of dignity that other people are given every day."
Transgender people have always existed. In fact, transgender and gender fluid individuals have been recorded throughout history in many cultures around the world. For example, some Indigenous communities use the term Two-Spirit, which encompasses cultural, spiritual, sexual and gender identity.
Jessica has hope for future transgender generations. She recalls some of the only trans representation during her childhood was on The Jerry Springer Show. Trans people were degraded and depicted as jokes, building shame in Jessica. But now, awareness and understanding of trans experiences and challenges have grown. Positive representation, role models and activists have emerged, including celebrities like Elliot Page and Laverne Cox. Vocabulary has shifted and so has peoples' understanding of conventional gender roles.
“Positive representation matters. People now can actually say, 'I'm transgender. I'm non-binary.' They can express themselves," she says. “None of those things could have been part of the conversation when I was growing up. Instead of being bullied in high school and hiding in their parents' bedroom with the blinds closed, they can find groups of people that are like them and say, 'Oh, I have words for this now.'"
Language to describe trans and 2SLGBTQ+ experiences has evolved and will continue evolving. Learn more about affirming and inclusive language here.
Supporting 2SLGBTQ+ communities is more important than ever, when an increase in hate crimes and anti-trans discrimination has been seen across the States, in Canada, and even in Hamilton. Jessica says being an ally is simple; it's about using privilege to speak up:
“As a cisgender person, you have a certain privilege. You have a very valuable role to play. Transgender people represent a small fraction of the population. We need cisgender people and allies who understand and support us to help advance our interests. And our interest is simple: living freely like everybody else."
We can all grow in our allyship for 2SLGBTQ+ individuals. Read Egale's guide on how to practice allyship.
Jessica is also part of St. Joe's 2SLGBTQ+ Affinity Group, a safe space to share experiences and gain support.
Jessica says: “The Affinity Group is a wonderful space with a group of people that share the same kind of experience as you, and very specifically as a health care provider and member of the 2SLGBTQ+ community. It's important to know that there are other 2SLGBTQ+ people at the hospital that you can talk to. We are also a very welcoming group for people who are questioning."